Archive for September, 2011

Pam: Sookie. I am SO over Sookie and her precious fairy vagina and her unbelievably STUPID name! FUCK SOOKIE!

So many people I know are dead!

O.M.G. What a season finale. Even though this show is a lot like low-budget soap opera, Passions, that used to run on NBC, it sure knows how to deliver some real shock value and cliffhangers! They weren’t kidding with the title of this episode: “And When I Die.”

This final recap of the season will be more of a reaction… and focus just on that — the most shocking moments and the cliffhangers. Let’s get started!

Lafayette, Marnie and Jesus

Don't worry, I will be back because I am dead and that never matters on this show.

Probably the most shocking death of the night was Jesus. I was literally texting my fellow Broad Bikini Killmenow that Jesus was being the best he’s been all season. And then WHAM. Dead. But not before he and Lafayette/Marnie  had some pretty amazing exchanges. (BTW where is Nelsan Ellis’ Emmy nod? These actors are doing an awesome job of channeling each other’s mannerisms and voice.)

So Marnie uses Lafayette’s body to not only tie poor Jesus up, but steal his brujo-ness. At first he says it’s not as easy as trading “fucking Pokemon cards,” but eventually it happens anyway. As soon as he reveals his demon brujo face, Marnie stabs his ass. RIP Jesus.

Lafayette/Marnie immediate takes off to King Bill’s pad. First things first, let’s get the shirts right off those hot vampires and silver them to a pyre. (I will get back to this in a minute.). Sookie, Tara and Holly show up, use some lightning bolt fingers and table salt to summon a bunch of dead spirits.

Beyonce wind to the rescue!

Including GRAN! Anyone else surprised Gran wasn’t happier to see Sookie, or even nicer to her? Either way, she saves the day and rips Marnie right out of Lafayette. But it all works out for Marnie, since she got to murder a bunch of people and still have a happy ghost ending with Gran and Antonia. Oh well, adios Marnie, it was nice knowing ya!

Lafayette is devastated and thinks it’s his fault Jesus is dead. Luckily, he’s a medium and he gets to see Jesus whenever he wants! Not too shabby! Hopefully this isn’t the last we see of Jesus, but it is nice to be one more main character down in such a huge cast.

Final thought: Anyone else REALLY worried about Lafayette next season? He got possessed a bunch, was forced to kill his boyfriend, and now his cousin is dead. Or presumed dead. We’ll get to that later.

Bill and Eric

Thanks for the gratuitous shirtlessness Marnie!

So, after some banter being burned at the stake:

Bill: I liked you better when you were brain-damaged.

Eric: EXCUSE ME we’re feeling a little crispy here.

We get to see Bill and Eric both sucking down on Sookie’s blood to heal. IN MATCHING PURPLE PIN STRIPED ROBES. Totally normal stuff.

Wait, don't break up with us. We can change robes, we swear!

Sookie then proceeds to lead both of them to think she is going to choose them as her main man, and then promptly breaks up with them both. Honestly, I don’t think she has really thought this Eric relationship through. I mean, she didn’t even TRY to be with this new, newer Eric. But alas, Sookie is out of the picture for now, and all these guys got were these lousy robes.

Hi Nan. And gay stormtroopers.

Back in their street clothes, the great dialogue continues with a visit from the newly unemployed Nan.

Nan reveals that not only is she revolting against the American Vampire League and the Authority (what’s the difference again?), but that she knows Sookie is part fairy. Whoopsies Nan, that just got you killed.

Nan: I saw the way you both looked at her. Hungry puppy dogs, slobbering over the same juicy bone.


Bill: We are not fucking puppy dogs!

Eric: What a bitch.


I kinda like Eric and Bill being friendly. Maybe they can have a whiskey or two and talk about the good ol’ times when they hated each other and were f-ing the same girl. Hopefully Eric comes around now and works things out with Pam. Poor Pam, thank god for crazy Ginger. Her freak-out about Sookie was completely classic and should be printed on a t-shirt immediately.

Speaking of the “in love with Sookie” club:


I would buy whatever this man is selling.

Alcide, freshly single and looking to mingle with nearest supernatural waitress in sight, makes his very sad but enticing pitch to Sookie. Which basically went like this “So… we are both in love with some dangerous fucking people, and we are both hot. Let’s do it!”

Sookie basically turns him down, but he gets a phone call about some problem at one of his construction sites and has to leave. What’s the problem? An escaped homicidal ex-Vampire King, that’s what! Can’t wait to get Denis O’Hare back. But who released him? Debbie? Some new fucking character we are going to have to learn about? (Probably the latter.)

Jason, Hoyt and Jessica

Jason tells Hoyt about him having sex with Jessica. Hoyt kicks his ass. Jason and Jessica have more sex. Jessica tells him she just wants to be FWB. Jason answers the door naked. SURPRISE! Steve Newlin is back! This time with fangs!

I am not convinced Steve Newlin is actually a vampire. Something tells me that he is just fooling, or maybe something to do with Halloween. But either way, we knew the Fellowship of the Sun had to come back somehow right?

Arlene and Terry

Three photos basically sum this plot right up:

Hand sandwich.

Most inappropriate and awesome kid costume ever.

Rene's ghost! Still sexy, still creepy. Now with new foreshadowing!


RIP Debbie. You were a crazy bitch, but we loved you anyway.

After vanquishing a witch and breaking up with your two boyfriends, bitch has GOT to be tired. But no rest for poor Sookie. As she finally heads home, with the hope of a night in with her good friend Tara, she is greeted by a tweakin’ Debbie Pelt and a loaded shotgun. (YAY for a bit of a nod to the book fans here!)

Tara, who seems to have completely forgotten that she is some badass MMA fighter, simply pushes Sookie out of the way and gets half her head splattered all over Sookie’s kitchen floor. Damn, that floor has seen some serious gore.

Sookie recovers and blasts Debbie’s face with the shotgun. I think it’s safe to assume Debbie is done-zo. But Tara? I sure hope so. It’s sad, but I have been saying all season that character has nowhere to go anymore, and they have got to kill her off. But I worry about something either saving her at the last minute or even turning her into a vamp. PLEASE NO TRUE BLOOD!

Other cliffhangers!

  • Sam is being attacked by a mystery wolf! Ghost Marcus wolf?
  • Andy is hugging Holly. Will that be a problem for his new fairy? Who cares!
  • What’s the deal with Scott Foley and his mysterious entrance into Terry and Arlene’s life? Will Rene be right?

One final thought: anyone else wondering how they deal with all these dead bodies? I know the Bon Temps police force is basically made up of Jason and Andy, but come on! How did Sam explain Tommy’s death? What happened to Marcus’ body? How is Sookie going to deal with both Tara AND Debbie’s corpses? What’s the explanation for Jesus being all jacked up?

Whatever, I love this show. It was a fun season! Thank god for Boardwalk Empire, Dexter, The Borgias and Game of Thrones… otherwise I don’t know how I would deal over the year!

See you next June!

Once again, awesome screencaps courtesy of Lady Manson.


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Sadly, due to the holiday and general craziness… I cannot recap this week! But, I highly recommend checking out i09’s sweet pro/con style of recapping. It’s pretty amazing and hilars.

Really great epsiode this week, cannot believe this weekend is the FINALE! Thank god for Boardwalk Empire and Dexter to ease the pain. See you Trubies next week for the finale recap!

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