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Archive for July, 2011

Pam: I put up with a lot, but you fuck with my face? It’s time to die.

Oh hai Godric. How's the afterlife treating you?

I always want to start these recaps with quotes that AREN’T from Pam, but it’s pretty impossible. So this week starts with the obligatory Godric cameo of the season! Why did we have to kill this guy off, he would have been a great regular. Anyway, so as predicted, the scene where Eric attacks Sookie in her sleep was in fact a maker-induced dream for Eric. Who, by the way, is still wearing those wearing those damned basketball shorts. Can’t someone get this man some fitted jeans please!

Snuggles?

Eric awakes full fanged (don’t you hate it when that happens?), and wanders into Sookie’s bedroom like a small child, even declaring, “I had a bad dream.” Ok, so here’s my new thought on this Memory Loss Eric. I LOVE seeing the sweet side of him. But I would really like to see him be more protective of Sookie than needy. So, hopefully next week we might see a bit more of him standing up for himself, rather than depending on Sookie to make him feel secure. FINGERS CROSS. Although, to be honest, I can’t say I would turn away even the most pathetic of ASkars. PS – Why is Sookie’s bed look like a twin size? Can’t a girl get a decent sized bed from her super rich vampire landlord?

Cut to Jason being  put to bed after a healthy dose of Jessica’s blood. She’s not hiding her guilt very well — and sadly, I doubt this cute couple will make it through the rest of the season together.

Back in Spoonville, Eric is the mayor. He asks Sookie if he is evil, and she replies: “Well, you’re not Gandhi, but no… You’re not evil.” What I think I like most about the growth of their relationship is how Sookie starting to realize how she actually feels about the “real” Eric. She’s always seen the best in people, but for some reason, she hasn’t cut Eric out of her life, even though she’s had plenty of reason to (Thanks for reminding us of those later, Tara). One more thought…. shouldn’t Eric be the big spoon?

Back to King Bill, getting a hasty visit from lust-sick Portia. She makes what must be the  grossest and least persuasive pitch for incest I have ever heard. Well, I can’t say I would ever probably hear a persuasive incest pitch, but really Portia — you are a lawyer and you can’t do better than that? I think Bill glamouring her was a good idea, but did he have to go to such an extreme? I mean, now his lawyer is going to run from him screaming all the time.

By the way, let’s cool it with the creepy little kids ok? For example:

NO MORE OF THIS.

And while seeing Tara’s mom married to her preacher and saging houses to ward off demons and ghosts was funny, I don’t really care that much about Arlene’s potential demon baby. It creeps me out and makes me want to fast forward. I did LOL about Arlene and Terry’s sexy satin sheets. But they should really quit letting the baby sleep with that creeptastic doll. And don’t you smell FIRE?!

Alcide had his shirt on, which was a major bummer. And we have a new packmaster a-hole to deal with. Cue Debbie Pelt’s slow (or not so slow) journey off the straight and narrow.

S'mores, anyone?

Oh, and I am more than totally fine with Tommy’s parent’s being dead. Now let’s see if they get away with their little “let the gators eat the evidence” plan. Did anyone else thing that Tommy ATE his parents when he shifted into an alligator? I didn’t see the bodies in the back of the van with him when Andy opened the doors, but maybe we were all just too distracted by the huge chomping animal. Oh and gators like marshmallows? Apparently Stephen Colbert has known this for years.

Oh Hoyt!

Jason finally has his Jessica blood-induced sex dream with a hilarious and disturbing cameo from Hoyt. “Oh my gravy!”

And, we learn the full moon is coming soon, so Jason should be shifting into a panther for the first time. I don’t get why he won’t talk to Sookie about all this, she’s probably the best and most understanding of all the people he knows.

We get a little dose of old-school detective Sookie when she goes to visit the Moon Goddess Emporium (Really? That’s your store name Marnie? I mean  you do wear a LOT of crushed velvet, but come on!) to do a little recon on who this chick really is. In the meantime, we get a visit from Gran, even if it is only a voiceover. Gran says Eric’s condition is only temporary, and she shouldn’t fall in love with him. Oh, right, and also to RUN the fuck away from this demented witch. Sookie decides to listen to the latter.

Why are you still wearing that hoodie? Oh forget it, let's make out.

Speaking of the former…. Sookie decides she can’t hide her lusty and potential lovey feelings for this new softer side of Eric. After Tara storms off (I am really over this character… she doesn’t need to be in this season AT ALL), they have a little heart to  heart, ending with a super romantic make-out sesh on the porch.

Meanwhile, Bill is interrogating Marnie and confirms what we all have known — she isn’t the one casting these powerful spells on vamps. He gathers Eric’s sheriff colleagues and we get a little dose of vampire history. (LOL Google and Fox News).

Pam, who is usually calm, cool and collected, is seriously losing her shit. And her ears. Due to her distress, she accidentally sells out Eric and Sookie by telling Bill the truth. Not sure Bill will be too happy about not only finding Eric at Sookie’s house after she swore to him he wasn’t there, but to find him getting to second base with his ex-girlfriend. This is such a fucking soap opera and I LOVE IT.

My bad.

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Pam to Bill: You like the feel of it, don’t you? That crown.

Pinchy Heiny Disease!

 
Drunk Silly Eric might rival Cocky Powerful Eric as the best Eric ever. This episode picked up right where the last one left off — Eric finishing off Claudine the fairy with a guilty smile.
 
The indulgence causes Eric to pass out for a few seconds, and then wake up completely frisky and grabbing Sookie’s “beautiful butt.” After a little one-sided game of butt tag, Eric takes off into the woods like a runaway child.
 

Um....

What do you do when your amnesia-ridden vampire ward runs away?  You call the super hot werewolf, that’s what you do. Sookie asks for Alcide’s canine smelling abilities to find Eric in the early morning hours before the fairy blood wears off and he starts to crisp.

 
Cut to the first of many gratuitous and delicious naked scenes of the episode! Alcide strips down and takes off in wolf form. Doesn’t take too long to find Eric literally frolicking in a lake — offering up some of the best lines of the series. After Eric announces that he is “Ægir god of the sea” and Sookie is “Rán” his sea goddess, she warns him of alligators. But no worries for Eric. 
 
No! I will just kill all the sea monsters. Gators? Krokodiller! Show yourselves! Cowards!!
 

More of this, please.

Anyway, I suppose I need to get off this subject, but not before I mention the hilarious back and forth between appropriate naked Alcide and Eric. Thank you Alan Ball. It doesn’t end in a brawl, because Eric starts to smoke and burn. I guess drinking a whole fairy only buys you a couple of hours.

 
Meanwhile, Nan is reaming out King Bill for letting Eric take care of witches in the first place. Does anyone else think Nan is starting to catch up to Pam for best one-liners? I love  how she evoked a little RuPaul when she told Bill “Don’t fuck this up.”
 

Whoops!

But finding Eric so he doesn’t have to lip sync for his life isn’t Bill’s only problem. He is totally boning his great-great-great-great granddaughter! Yikes and yuck! Bizarre incest issues aside, at least we got introduced to Caroline Bellefleur — who is totally Mona from Who’s the Boss. I’d be fine if we see more of her in the future.

 
Sookie and Eric share a sweet moment in his cubby after he finally “goes to bed” after his big adventure. Turns out, he’s totally bummed he will never be able to frolic in the daytime and he’s JUST realizing that now. Sookie talks about how the old Eric might have been a dick sometimes, but he was always really happy. Memory Loss Eric leans in… and says “If you kiss me, I promise to be happy.” SWOOON. Almost a kiss… and the damned ex-boyfriend interrupts to try to search your house. Don’t you hate it when that happens?

"It's only a kiss...."

 
Turns out, Bill couldn’t find Eric at his farm in Öland, his apartment in Paris, or his plantation in Barbados. Umm, marry me, Eric? Anyway, Sookie stands up to Bill and offers him a dose of his own liar medicine.
 
Other important stuff:
    • Was it the baby or the creepy doll that wrote, “Not Your Baby” on Arlene and Terry’s wall? Ick, either one sounds terrible. Let’s quit while we are ahead with this story line.
    • Jason runs away from Hot Shot and is rescued by Jessica and Hoyt.
    • Tommy gets abducted by his parents. I get the feeling one of their family members is due to get killed — and then we can see if Tommy or Sam will gain that ability to shift into a person like Luna was telling us a few episodes ago.
    • Speaking of Luna, she’s got a cute kid, and a shitty ex. Of course. Oh Sam.

Watch out. That cleave is SERIOUS.

    And finally, the witches. Pam gets all boobylicious and impatient with head witch Marnie (who, by the way, is suffering from some seriously bad Spanish Inquisition reenactment dreams). The spirit possessing Marnie gets pretty impatient herself with Pam… and casts a crazy corpse spell on her that was GROSS to say the least. And per the previews for next week, looks like it ain’t getting any prettier for poor Pam. I hope that doesn’t last all season! Alright, til next Sunday Trubie friends!

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Eric: “I KNOW I’m a vampire, Snookie.”
Sookie: “It’s Sookie!”

This show really knows how to get me if they are opening with ‘Jersey Shore’ bits. And how flipping adorable is this Memory Loss Eric? With his constant little sorries, mussed hair, and puppy dog eyes. Is Alan Ball trying to actually kill me with this cute?

 So Sookie agrees to help this helpless Eric if he agrees not to touch or bite her. (Well, for now, anyway.) She brings him back to her place , and we  get to watch him comically step around her new rug (that he doesn’t remember he probably bought) so he doesn’t get it dirty. This whole amnesia story line is really letting ASkars’ acting shine. Besides, seeing him smile makes me very happy:)
 
Anyway, after giving his feet a bit of wash and tickle, Pam rushes over. So rushed, she didn’t even have time to wipe her mouth after her meal.  She insists Sookie hide Eric out in his/her house, because the witches might come back to kill him — or Bill might try to off him himself given this new opportunity. Pam was nicer about her request after Eric bitch slapped her across the room. Her quick recovery and sarcastic manners made my day. God, how much do you love Pam this season?
 
Once Pam left, cue a series of cuteness I can’t even think about without swooning. Eric sweetly asking, “Would you like to be mine?,” or when his fangs accidentally came out and he acted all embarrassed. I suppose I get why Sookie is not comfortable having him stay with her – but oh how I doubt most of us would see this as a problem.
 
Besides Eric being adorbs, there were two other big developments in this episode.
 
First things first…. ALCIDE is back!! Does he look a bit older/wiser to anyone else? And what’s up with him wearing a shirt the entire scene? The big reveal wasn’t that Sookie was asking for his help to hide Eric, but that he is back with the were-bitch Debbie. Sure, she looks really good and seems like she legit wants to make amends with Sookie. But I wonder how former addict Debbie will handle the big OBVS torch Alcide carries for our dear Sookie. Might not work out too well, but we shall see…
 
The second big storyline was poor, poor Jason. Things seem to be going  from bad to worser than worse for him. Not only are Crystal and her crazy incesty cousin trying to turn Jason into a werepanther by repeatedly biting him and never offering him any peroxide or band aids — but now the whole lot of Hot Shot ladies are lining up to drug him with Mexican Viagra and rape him. YIKES. I sure hope Jason gets out of this and dumps Crystal and her band of  hillbillies immediately.
 
Other noteworthy stuff:
  • Hoyt and Jessica — they have a recurring creepy baby doll problem and Jessica is now glamouring him instead of taking Bill’s advice to be honest. Recipe for all kinds of disaster. And anyone else think the doll has to be related to Maxine’s online doll ordering addiction, in some way? And if I was Arlene, I wouldn’t want MY evil baby to have any reason to be creepier than it already is.
  • Bill’s a big slut now, so that’s cool. At least his biceps are big:)
  • Pam gives Lafayette, Tara and Jesus an amazing  ultimatum: They have 24 hours to produce Marnie to Pam or she will personally “eat, fuck and kill all three of them.” PAM!
  • Tara and Sam had a cute moment that didn’t annoy me.
  • Andy is still a V addict. Yawn.

But finally, this week’s cliffhanger — Eric totally kills Sookie’s fairy godmother! Which I am pretty fine with … I didn’t really  like the way the show was portraying Claudine, and she sort of sucked. But the question will be, did Eric attack her because he wanted to eat her, or did he attack her at first to protect Sookie and then couldn’t stop because she was a fairy.  And again with the cute… Eric looking up, covered in fairy blood, saying, “Sorry.” So does this mean Eric can walk in the sunlight for a while, now having drank an ENTIRE fairy?

Is it next Sunday yet? 🙂

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So it’s Friday, and if you are like me, the beach is on your brain already. As a curvy lady, I have always struggled with an epic battle betwix my love of the beach and hatred of bathing suits. But hate no more! I have found what must be,  hands down, the most flattering bathing suit in the world. I never thought I would feel sexy in a bathing suit since they never really fit me. But I was wrong! The answer to my troubles? Two words: Esther Williams.

Ms. Williams is probably best known for her synchronized swimming talents and starting in some pretty cool movies in the 1940s and 50s. But to me, she is the creator of a magical bathing suit. This thing makes your boobs look great, your waist small, and offers great support in both areas. Plus, it’s got this cute retro look that everyone likes to rock.

These suits, whether you go with the classic sheath like me or the two-piece, come in tons of different colors and only cost about $75, which isn’t bad when you consider you won’t want to wear any other bathing suit again.

I will also say the sizing chart is VERY accurate. I know ordering things like bathing suits online seems silly – because you really do need to try stuff on to even know if it fits at all. BUT – after measuring myself and comparing that to their sizing chart, I got a perfectly fitted suit in the mail.

Thanks Esther!

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Photo credit: HBO

Sookie: “I will never be Eric Northman’s puppet.”

Pam: “Hmm. Shame for you. He pulls good string.”

YESSSSSS. This show is so ridiculous, but I love it. Ok, so this is many days late, so no need for a full recap. But let’s just chat about the highlights, shall we?

Eric gives Sookie an offer that I absolutely wouldn’t refuse. But she does, at least for now. He wants her to be “his” and in return, she will have protection from other crazy vamps. Plus, he’s crazy rich and hot. But no, she’s  not so into the being owned thing. I get that. I guess.

We flashback to find out just how Bill did become king (of course, not before the gratuitous vampire sex scene). The consensus among the broads is that whole London scene was just so Stephen Moyer could use his real accent for a few lines. So he was a vampire spy, and was promised the crown if he took down Sophie Ann. Is it just me, or is Bill far more attractive with shorter hair and an eviler disposition? But, we also learn he is continuing to protect Sookie’s fairy identity, so that must mean he still loves her, blah blah blah.

Jason is going to become a werepanther so he can be forced to make babies with his meth-addict panther girlfriend. Arlene’s baby made a blood vessel in her eye bust. Sam’s got a super hot new girlfriend and has weird naked bonding sessions with brother Tommy. Jessica is getting a taste of slutty and she likes it.

But the real juice of the episode is when Bill sends Eric to take care of the new coven of witches, which now includes Lafayette and his BF Jesus. Eric strolls in there like it will be cake, but the crazy lead witch puts a spell on him (cue my utter happiness that this storyline is following the novels) right before he takes a bit out of Tara (BTW – Tara, what’s all that MMA training for, you don’t even know how to sneak up properly. Serves you right.).

Did anyone else notice she was changing into a different person when chanting? I managed to get a screen shot when I watched the episode again last night:

CREEPY!

And have you noticed how she never seems to remember what happens to her when she’s an extra crazy witch? Something tells me this little old lady isn’t what she seems.

Oh hai.... need a ride?

Anyway, Eric looks all confused and hightailed it out of there. I commented that it would appear Memory Loss Eric will be rocking the disheveled look, unlike Regular Eric, who wears his hair pushed back.

Cut to Sookie driving back to her place from Fangtasia, and there’s sexy shirtless Eric walking all dazed down the street. He doesn’t know who she is, but he knows she smells like dinner.

Alright kiddos, until next week. And you all should be reading Videogum’s recaps of this show too, they make me LOL and sometimes pee a little.

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